Sometimes, I am disgusted by the lack of sheer self-awareness, particularly among males. The amount of entitlement in their attitude and behaviour is astonishing.
If I had a dollar for every time I have imagined throwing a shoe at someone whose persona is filled with toxic masculinity... anyway
Being self-aware is the most important thing you can have as a man.
According to HBR, there are two types of self-awareness
internal self-awareness is how well we understand our own values, passions and aspirations interacting with our environment, thoughts and impulses and people we hang out with
I think having a strong sense of internal awareness is why I find it so difficult to resubscribe to Netflix after having boycotted it due to the Cuties controversy.
i.e. my values don't agree with what the film Cuties stands for, hence I ignore my impulses to consume Netflix even though it's the best on-demand video entertainment company in the market.
external self-awareness is how other people view us based on how we balance our internal self-awareness. Basically how our values and who we are, affect them.
I think I suck at this. External self-awareness is understanding how other people treat/behave with me because I have decided to boycott Netflix.
The reason why this is so hard for me is people don't communicate well. So I don't know what part of my values, behaviour, character is influencing them to look at me in a certain way. In fact, I don't think they know that as well.
According to the article, being low on external and high on internal means I am clear on who I am but I don't challenge my own views or search for blind spots by getting feedback from others. That makes me an introspectionist.
Upon reading that, I immediately disagreed and then I realized the irony of doing so.
HBR also says experience and authority hinders self-awareness
The reason is our own bias. If you consider yourself experienced and a huge deal, you are also likely to think everything you do is correct.
insert macho voice "HOW CAN I EVER BE WRONG. HAVE YOU SEEN HOW EXPERIENCED I AM?"
Solution? always ask for feedback. In everything you do. Be humble brather (as Khabib would say)
Also here's my favourite bit from the article. Have loving critics. These are people who have your best interests in mind and are still willing to tell you the truth
HACK: - DO NOT ASK YOUR LOVING CRITICS TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOU. ASK THEM TO BE KIND AND HONEST AND ASK MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
Finally, introspection
I bet you've been reflecting wrong.
When something goes wrong in your day, we often ask "why" it didn't go the way we wanted it to.
The problem is, why invites bias because we do not have access to our most sub-conscious thoughts (we are not Bodhidharma) and so when we reflect on why something happened the way it happened, we jump on the first thought that seems right and settle for that without questioning if it’s valid
The truth is, rather than focusing on why something went wrong, we should be focusing on what we should do moving forward. The fact that whatever went wrong went wrong is enough evidence that something happened that wasn't right. That should be closure enough.
So without wasting our mental energy on the past, we should remain future-oriented
This is big talk coming from someone who hates suspense but it makes sense
Didn't get the job you wanted? Okay, what can you do to make sure you stand a better chance when you apply again
Your friend said something that really hurt you? Okay, what can you say to them so that they understand you didn't like what they said
Imagine how far from solving the problem would you be if you had thought “Why am I not deserving enough for this job? My CV matches the job description” or “Why did he say that to me? He must secretly hate me.”
The beauty about this, I realized, is that looking at it through a what lens makes you tackle it from a why perspective too but without the negative aspects.
So, put this into practice and be self-aware, king.
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